Good And Bad News - Turtle and Nuns

Deep within a forest, a little turtle began to climb a tree. 
After hours of effort, he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground. 

After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground. The turtle tried again and again, while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts. 

Finally, the female bird turned to her mate. "Dear," she chirped, "I think it's time to tell him he's adopted."

God calls Satan 
Insurance Salesman In Heaven 
How he managed to sell all those Bibles

Three nuns die and go to heaven, but all must answer one question to get in.


The first nun is asked, "Who was the first man on Earth?" She says, "Adam." Lights flash and the pearly gates open.


The second nun is asked, "Who was the first woman on Earth?" She says, "Eve." Lights flash and the gates open.

The third nun is asked, "What was the first thing Eve said to Adam?" Puzzled, the nun is says, "Hmmm, that's a hard one." Lights flash and the pearly gates open.