--Men always like intellectual company.
2. Why do black widow spiders kill their mates after mating?
--To stop the snoring before it starts.
3. Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
--For the same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
4. Why are husbands like lawn mowers?
--They're hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don't work half the time.
5. What's the difference between a man and a catfish?
--One is a scum-sucking bottom feeder, and the other is a fish.
6. Husband: Want a quickie?
Wife: As opposed to what?
7. Why do jocks play on artificial turf?
--To keep them from grazing.
8. Why is it so hard for women to find men who are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
--Because they already have boyfriends.
9. What is gross stupidity?
--144 men in one room.
10. Husband: I don't know why you wear a bra, you've got nothing to put in it.
Wife: You wear briefs, don't you?
11. How many men does it take to pop popcorn?
--Three-one to hold the pan and two others to act macho and shake the stove.
12. How do men sort their laundry?
--Filthy, and Filthy But Wearable.
13. Why were men given larger brains than dogs?
--A. So they wouldn't hump women's legs at cocktail parties.
B. So they wouldn't stop to play with every other man they see when you take them around the block.
14. What is the thinnest book in the world?
--What men know about women.
15. How many men does it take to screw a light bulb?
--A. One - men will screw anything
B. One - men will screw up anything
C. Five - one to actually do the screwing, four to listen to him brag about it.
16. How can you tell if a man is aroused?
--He's breathing.
17. What's the difference between men and government bonds?
--Bonds mature.
18. How do you save a man from drowning?
--You take your foot off his head.
19. How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
--Who cares? Has it ever happened?
20. What is a man's idea of doing housework?
--Lifting his legs so you can vacuum under them.
21. What does a man consider a seven-course meal?
--A hot dog and a six-pack.
22. Why are men like laxatives?
--They can irritate the shit out of you.
23. How do you get a man to do sit-ups?
--Put the remote control between his toes.
24. How do men exercise on the beach?
--By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.
25. What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business?
--1. No mind.
2. No business.
26. Why is a woman different from a PC?
--A woman won't accept a 3 1/2-inch floppy.
27. Why do bachelors like smart women?
--Opposites attract.
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